What about everything?

My mind is whirring,
My heart is stirring.
I cannot breathe,
I grind my teeth.

It drives me crazy.
I toss and turn,
That night is long.
It feels like everything is going wrong.

The truth is different.
My mind flickers
From thought to thought.
Catching, grasping at hidden fears.
Lies become the truth.
My heart contracts,
My mouth is clamped shut.
Suffering in silence is my normal.

I want to scream,
I want some peace.
How long does it take
To change one's view of life?
To take away the rose coloured glasses?
How much time do I have to wait until this passes?

One step at a time they say.
But what about tomorrow?
Forget about today.
What if something goes wrong?
It feels like I am forgetting
The lyrics to my own song.
Who am I? What do I want?
Why can't my life come to a halt?
Just for a second, one second.
But I am stuck with this.
A pit in my stomach,
A lump in my chest,
A million days unrest.
Until suddenly I see,
All I need to do is breathe.

Joan of Arc

She was a fighter -

Tough and brave.

Instead of being a lady,

Joan fought for her country.

Although the English executed her,

This woman stuck to her beliefs.

If only she had lived longer than

Nineteen,

Who knows what she would have achieved.

Shakespeare

For days I write on end,

Quill in hand and the occasional woman in bed.

Tragic love tales resonate,

Crowds love to speculate.

Every now and then, a comedy,

Eyes are wet with joy.

I love the thrill of a performance,

It fills me with a sense of importance.

For I love the art of words

No matter how much they may hurt.

Release my Heart

Bubbles of nerves boil in my chest
Flushing into my brain.
All i want is to do my best 
But right now i feel insane.

The words to express how i feel 
They are stuck, stuck in my throat
Clamped down by the toughest seal 
Trying to help me cope.

Not feeling is my living 
Distraction is my saviour 
Strength is what i am giving 
To the worst kind of behaviour.

I feel like there is some dark secret 
To explain how i act and feel
My kind is full of bleakness
Sometimes i struggle to see what's real.

What's real is my friendships
And the possibility of starting a anew 
A chance to be eccentric 
And to tell my past adieu.

So i say hello to my new lifestyle 
To be mindful and use meditation
To find my style 
And say goodbye to procrastination.

The Tempest Within

A few pages torn out, 
A thousand words put to rest. 
For there is so much doubt, 
My mind is like a tempest.

Sniggers, side remarks and scolding, 
They are regular visitors in my head. 
Sometimes it makes me feel like my entire world is folding, 
Making me believe that no one is my friend.

"Please, please someone rescue me!" I shout. 
I need a trusting hand to pull me out. 
The darkness is swallowing me up, 
I am scared that one day i won't give a fuck.

Writing this, my thoughts tell me it's not good enough. 
That the pattern of rhyme is wrong. 
I wish i could show myself more love
And maybe one day write a happy song.

Tonight i chose to fight my demons, 
To learn to love myself. 
I am terrified of my emotions, 
But i need to break out of this shell.